Sometimes I wish I was Meredith Grey
I've got to figure out a way to meet some people my own age.
I bought season 2 of Grey's and I watched the whole thing in less than a week. As much as I enjoyed every minute of it, I should not have all that extra time. Granted, I was grading papers and doing other school and homework while I watched, I've got to get out of the house more often.
Also... I was watching there is an episode towards the end that talks about how every person should have at least one love of their life, and it got me thinking. Well, crying actually. I have nothing of the sort. I have this life, a nice life. A life that is full of children that aren't mine, of friends that life so far away its hard to keep track of what is going on elsewhere, and family that drives me crazy but I somehow love anyhow. But I have never had someone say they love me and really really mean it. I've never been loved the way everyone longs for. It makes me long for something more than I have now. I really like my job, but it still is just a job. At the end of the day I don't have someone to go to and tell about the crazy thing my students do. Or someone to comfort me when I flip out when I lose my school keys or just need to cry. I just have this total alone feeling a lot of the time. I'm not sure if this is normal, and I don't have anyone to ask about it either. My best friend is getting ready for her wedding, and I'm so excited for her to start this life with Jake. I'm happy that she is happy. But I feel like I'm not as happy as I should be, because I'm all alone. And she doesn't understand how hard it is for me to be alone. I feel like I'm being a bad friend. Plus it didn't help when she told me I HAD to have a date to the rehearsal dinner and wedding. I guess I have until March to find someone...I've had 24 years and that hasn't been enough time yet. Then again, I have a tendency to like guys who want nothing to do with me, or be my friend, or freak out when I try to talk about actually dating. I just have the worse luck. Maybe something great is in my future, but its hard to wait for it.
I think a lot of this is coming for me looking into buying a house. It's this huge thing, and its just me. I know I like to be the tough girl who doesn't need anybodies help or I'll just do it myself, but it's just me. I have to look for loans, figure out everything that goes into purchasing something that takes 30!!! years to pay off. This is huge. I have a million questions that I can't answer on my own. I don't like to not be in the know. I like to be in charge, but this is above me. This is hard for me. I guess this way I can actually do what I want with it. Let me closet explode, as Sarah used to put it. Paint the kitchen red like I wanted to last year. Because I can't live with my extended family for forever. They'll probably get sick of my before long, I think that happens more than I would like to admit.
I bought season 2 of Grey's and I watched the whole thing in less than a week. As much as I enjoyed every minute of it, I should not have all that extra time. Granted, I was grading papers and doing other school and homework while I watched, I've got to get out of the house more often.
Also... I was watching there is an episode towards the end that talks about how every person should have at least one love of their life, and it got me thinking. Well, crying actually. I have nothing of the sort. I have this life, a nice life. A life that is full of children that aren't mine, of friends that life so far away its hard to keep track of what is going on elsewhere, and family that drives me crazy but I somehow love anyhow. But I have never had someone say they love me and really really mean it. I've never been loved the way everyone longs for. It makes me long for something more than I have now. I really like my job, but it still is just a job. At the end of the day I don't have someone to go to and tell about the crazy thing my students do. Or someone to comfort me when I flip out when I lose my school keys or just need to cry. I just have this total alone feeling a lot of the time. I'm not sure if this is normal, and I don't have anyone to ask about it either. My best friend is getting ready for her wedding, and I'm so excited for her to start this life with Jake. I'm happy that she is happy. But I feel like I'm not as happy as I should be, because I'm all alone. And she doesn't understand how hard it is for me to be alone. I feel like I'm being a bad friend. Plus it didn't help when she told me I HAD to have a date to the rehearsal dinner and wedding. I guess I have until March to find someone...I've had 24 years and that hasn't been enough time yet. Then again, I have a tendency to like guys who want nothing to do with me, or be my friend, or freak out when I try to talk about actually dating. I just have the worse luck. Maybe something great is in my future, but its hard to wait for it.
I think a lot of this is coming for me looking into buying a house. It's this huge thing, and its just me. I know I like to be the tough girl who doesn't need anybodies help or I'll just do it myself, but it's just me. I have to look for loans, figure out everything that goes into purchasing something that takes 30!!! years to pay off. This is huge. I have a million questions that I can't answer on my own. I don't like to not be in the know. I like to be in charge, but this is above me. This is hard for me. I guess this way I can actually do what I want with it. Let me closet explode, as Sarah used to put it. Paint the kitchen red like I wanted to last year. Because I can't live with my extended family for forever. They'll probably get sick of my before long, I think that happens more than I would like to admit.
posted by Tina J @ 9:33 PM
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